I love my family and friends. But there are times, when frankly, I just can’t go there. And depending on the person and the issue, finance is often one of those areas that makes those times occur. One of the problems with personal finance, is that it is well, personal. And despite the fact that you might have a perfectly rational, objective opinion, that’s not what people often want to hear when it comes to things as personal as their money. The hard part is that even if you don’t necessarily bring up the topic, it will just come out in general conversation. Someone will tell you how they dumped money into their useless car or how they’re planning a vacation (which you know that they really can’t afford). So you hem and haw and try to change the subject, because the last time they asked your opinion and you gave it, they were really affronted.

Sometimes it bugs me that I take this approach, that if I truly believe in something, or know that someone’s course of action is not the right approach, then doggone it I should tell them. I’m not talking about things like quibbling over different mutual funds, but responding when someone informs you that they are going to spend most of their small savings on buying new furniture or putting concert tickets on their recently un-maxed out credit card. However, I have found that harmonious relations are better than letting someone know they that are wrong, even if they are. I have also found that I’m not the only person who takes this line of approach. I like to read a number of different blogs, many with a slant towards personal finance. In one of the blogs I read, posters have no problem criticizing people in newspaper articles for poor financial decisions, but many also admit having limited success with friends and family, and just letting topics drop. While some may see that as hypocritical, I don’t. People who volunteer their financial information for newspapers have basically invited critiques of their situations, essentially I feel that they are allowing themselves to be used as a case study. However, if someone you care about asks for your opinion on a financial matter, they are looking for information before the decision is made. As such I feel there’s nothing wrong with giving them basic advice, or pointing them to a good book or website. If you feel that the decision is beyond you, then say ‘I really don’t feel that I can help you with that.’ Some people will take the advice, some won’t. But you put it out there. It’s then up to them to be responsible and process the information; if they choose not to listen to it, fine. And sometimes people aren’t asking for advice, but simply making a statement, and you’ll just cause all sorts of drama if you break down why they are making the wrong decision.

Personally, I won’t hound anyone with information once they know my feelings on the matter. If someone hasn’t specifically asked for my opinion, I may express a concern, and then I move on. I’ve found that saying the same thing over and over is not effective if people are determined not to hear what you have to say and it just puts a strain on your relationship. The true challenge though is after they’ve made a bad decision and they want you to commiserate with them, once things don’t work out. However, that’s a whole different topic for another day, and I don’t even think that I am equipped to give advice on that anyway.